Adventures In Parodyverse: Short Cuts - Guest of the Lair Legion

Writer's note: I wrote this like a short television news interview, and I wrote it quickly - so I hope it works

Untold Tales of the Parody War: Short Cut - Guest of the Lair Legion

Video Interview: Lara Night
Narrated By: Bernice Tessemacher

    "It wasn't easy at all," a soft voice spoke as video of hands clasped together in a blue jean covered lap was shown.

    Bernice Tessemacher appeared on the screen, filmed in her editing studio for a voiceover narration. "That was the hushed response given to me to a very pointed question, spoken in a manner as understated as the woman who said it. Part of a phrase that sums up her time in the Parodyverse. And yet she remains here."

    The narration continued as short clips of her blonde guest walking around the Lair Mansion, speaking to various Lair Legion members were shown.

    "She calls herself Lara Night. The jury's still out on whether her lack of a superhero alias reflects a latent arrogance, telling the world she doesn't need a secret identity...or a genuine honesty never before seen in this kind of circle."

    The video switched to the Library at the Lair Mansion where Lara Night sat in one of the plus chairs, turned to face away from the fireplace. Her legs were crossed neatly and her hands clasped together, leaning against one armrest. She was dressed casually.

    "The blonde haired Lara can be described as slim and athletic, but a bit too small to be called statuesque. At about five and a half feet tall, nothing about her appearance is intimidating, though she has the most unusual eyes whose irises seem almost devoid of all color. It's easy to forget once you get used to it, but I hear that most exotic attribute of hers is what men find so attractive about her."

    The camera moved to the side so both interviewer and interviewee can be seen sitting across from one another. The voiceover continued.

    "She attended the interview in simple blue jeans, pink and white sneakers, and an Inflatable Monkey tee shirt she claims a pair of very odd men and their girlfriends gave to her as a gift. Her informality prompted me to ask first, almost rudely, if she was part of the support staff rather than one of the Lair Legion's visiting heroes."

    The video switched to a direct feed of the interview.

    "I'm not a member," she replied with her hands clasped firmly on one arm of the chair. "I came here from another universe to help out."

    Bernice noted that Lara seemed nervous and seemed to be sitting almost protectively. "Why do you seem so nervous?"

    "I've had some exposure to the press before," she replied diplomatically. "They aren't always kind."

    Another voice-over added some commentary. "Pre-interviews with other support members of the Lair Legion gave me a little backround on Lara. In particular, that she had visited before, and then went home. One of those times was just before the Parody War began."

    "Why did you leave your home and return here with the Parody War beginning?" Bernice asked as the live feed resumed.

    "It wasn't easy at all," she said, "to come to that decision. I went home, and I couldn't stop thinking about it. Maybe I'm a pessimist, but I kept thinking this Parody Master guy will just keep getting more powerful and what if the Lair Legion is toast? How would I feel if they were all killed while I was comfy at home, and maybe I could have done something to help them?"

    Bernice leaned closer as she asked the first of a series of tougher questions. "Do you believe you can kill the Parody Master?"

    The camera focused on Lara again, and that made her nervous. She reached for a bottle of water on the table between them and sipped it before putting it back. She continued fidgeting as she replied.

    "No," she replied, her voice small and distant, as she shook her head sadly. "I wish I could though. I wish I could bring back some stuff from home, maybe a certain other Guardian that could help. Then maybe we'd have a real chance."

    "I'm sorry...Guardian?" Bernice asked, convinced that she was on to something.

    "Yeah," Lara responded, calming a bit and perking up. "I'm one of a few heroes back home who've been given the job to...well, maybe not protect the universe, but at least set things right, you know?"

    "You don't look much like someone who could wield so much power," Bernice told her.

    "I thought so too, when I was chosen. But I learned over time, that's the reason I was chosen. Because I dont like to abuse my power, so I pick and choose when to respond, and I try to act subtly. The point is supposed to be to restore balance and you can't do that overwhelming everything with power."

    "And how does that relate to your appearance in the Parodyverse?"

    Lara smiled knowingly as she replied. "I've seen tyrants like the Parody Master come and go. Maybe not on this scale...the stakes are really high this time. It's kind of a challenge to remain subtle, to not find the Parody Master and, you know, find some way to make him pay for what he's done. It takes a lot of self control. I think all the heroes here are learning that now, what I had to learn years ago about subtlety and careful planning, because they really have been the dominant force here for so long."

    "Are she saying that the Lair Legion needs the Parody Master?"

    "No, no, absolutely not. But I am saying that while he's here the Lair Legion can learn from this experience. The Parody Master doesn't even know that he's making them, and me, even more powerful just by his mere existance. I think that's my deeper purpose here, to learn alongside them, maybe contribute a little, and help make sure a threat like this never comes along again."

    Bernice then picked up an old gossip rag and held it up as if she prepared to do so long before the interview began. "There was this small footnote in the gossip column, about a steamy affair between you and CrazySugarFreakBoy!, rumored to be ongoing."

    "I should have known you'd ask me about that," Lara replied, sadness and disappointment creeping into her voice and expression. "He's a very close friend. I love him and his family."

    "You're avoiding the topic," Bernice accused.

    "Look," Lara said as she leaned back and smiled, her hands folded nearly over her crossed legs. "I know it's part of your job to tear me down because it's great for ratings for someone to watch this and say 'Oh my God, that Lara chick is awful'. But you know what? It's not about me, and it's not about Dream. It's about his new baby, Iris, who deserves a clean slate. He's a very close friend, so I owe it to him to protect his daughter...in whatever small way I can. Even if that means blowing off questions meant to dig up dirt on her dad or his friends."

    Another voiceover played as Bernice put down the gossip rag and tapped her pencil on a clipboard of questions, deciding which to ask next. "I admit her monologue on the subject was rather cheesy, but it was also enough to make me feel small for even asking the question. I learned then that one needs to be careful around Lara - as gentle and friendly as she appears she can turn and manipulate the conversation in the blink of an eye, throwing reporters like me for a loop - I honestly didn't know what to ask next. A smart blonde super hero is a dangerous thing."

    Bernice finally chose another question. "What do you think of the Lair Legion, coming from another universe?"

    "They're incredibly creative, resourceful, and organized," Lara summed up with a smile. "It's a fairly small pool of heroes with...well, with the exception of a few really powerful ones...not much power at all. But they make up for it in spades. Visionary has no power at all but he's practically the poster boy for the Lair Legion. Trickshot, he's just human with exceptional skill with arrows and showing off. CrazySugarFreakBoy! isn't really that powerful but he's absolutely relentless. It's amazing seeing what they can do against some pretty nasty threats. And seeing them get along so well."

    "Why would seeing them get along be so unusual?"

    "Where I'm from there are a lot of heroes too. We're all kinda competing for space. They've had to group together for some really tough baddies, and there are a few small teams, but it's generally everyone for themselves. The only way I feel at home...at home, is alone. Here, the Lair Legion made me feel welcome."

    "Because the topic still foremost on most reader's minds is the frightening Parody War, what do you think of the way it's been handled so far? Have there been mistakes?"

    "Yeah, of course there have been mistakes," Lara admitted quickly with a shrug. "Like I said, it's all a learning process. What makes the Parody Master so tough is he knows what he's doing, and we don't. We've never faced anything like this before."

    "And what about Sir Mumphrey Wilton? Has he been making mistakes as supreme commander of the war?"

    She smiled again a little sadly as she gave her reply. "Of course he has. But you know what? None of us stepped up the way he has. Can you even imagine the kind of pressure he has to deal with?" Her voice softened and her eyes lowered as she added, "I mean he...he probably cries himself to sleep every night. He's probably scared for us, and especially for his granddaughter. Afraid everything's going to fall apart and it'll be all his fault. It breaks my heart just to think about it."

    Bernice was silenced for a moment as she watched Lara try and compose herself. Then she asked the one question she knew would be perfect to end the interview with. "Do you think we'll win this Parody War?"

    That prompted a most serious look from Lara, which the camera caught on to and moved in close. "We have to," she replied simply. And then she repeated it more sadly. "We have to."

    A voiceover resumed again, starting with idle video of Lara still sitting in that chair chatting with Bernice after the interview ended.

    "I'm not entirely sure this interview could sum up the personality and thoughts of Lara Night. For that we would need a lot more time. Even after I finished recording the interview she proved to have intelligent and complicated opinions on everything."

    The video then switched back to Bernice's editing room.

    "I would have liked to ask her more about her home, and how, with all its chaos, it managed to achieve a peace that the Parodyverse lacks. I would have liked to ask her more about her friends. But that will have to wait for another interview. I'm Bernice Tessemacher...thank you for watching."

-- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2007 by Jason Froikin, and may not be
-- reprinted without permission.
-- Yuki Shiro designed by Jason Froikin, based on designs by Masamune Shirow
-- Liu Xi Xian and the Psychic Samurai are original design by Jason Froikin
-- Lara Night is an original creation by Jason Froikin

Post By Anime Jason Fri Jun 01, 2007 at 04:42:16 pm EDT	Subject Adventures In Parodyverse: Short Cuts - Guest of the Lair Legion

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